Failure to Communicate

Kimba Listic conveys better means of communication.

If you are not satisfied with the quality of communication you are experiencing with virtually anyone involved in any aspect of your life, I’ve got some fantastic news for you! You can relax. That’s right. You heard me correctly. You can simply let go of all the pent up mental energy you’ve expended fretting and concerning yourself over how you will ever manage to devise the right set of words or act in just the right way that will trigger someone else to open up and willingly invite you in to share their inner vault of private thoughts.

But that little voice inside your head begins to nag at your curiosity, “Why won’t they open up to me? All I want is for them to understand where I am coming from. I have tried just about every approach I know and it only seems to be pushing them further away from me!”

It is right about that time when you instinctively switch your (previously positive) viewpoint from one of seeking-their-acceptance, or doing anything within your power to please them, over to a worldview founded on a purely distrusting nature and/or limiting beliefs. You can literally feel your keen senses setting off your entire nervous system – igniting you into a panicked state of high alert.

Unfortunately, at this point the signals your receiving no longer need to be translated for you – the truth of the matter rings through to you crystal clear.
Every word they say sounds like it is dripping with deceit.
Every move they make is in direct response to how they truly feel.
And to you now it is easy to see the nuances present in their walk, hear it in their talk. All the signs adding up to the truthful conclusion that they are acting almost like they cannot wait to get away from you.

That familiar burning knot you’ve felt before in the pit of your stomach is back. Then, in the back of your mind, you hear the words you knew for some time were true. “You’ve lost them.” “How can that be?” You begin to torment yourself replaying every event that may have had an impact on this undesired outcome manifesting right before your very eyes.

I mean, just because every time you spoke to them, texted them, conveniently ran into them out and about – you immediately launched a barrage of questions, innuendos, and suspicions at them – I can’t possibly imagine why this would send them running for the hills. Can you?

It can be a difficult pill for the ego to swallow when you ache for someone to hear AND/or relate to how you feel about this, that, or the other – and they turn a deaf ear. I get, full well, how – your course of desire for a deeper relationship steered itself into a sort of relentless pursuit. Or, better said yet, as a quest of sorts in which your chief aim became their acceptance and approval of you.

As I mentioned to you before…you really don’t ever have to feel that worn out, helpless feeling again. You know the one – the one where you don’t have a clue when it comes to knowing what, if anything, there is available for you to possibly say or do to turn things around.

Well, you can you feel better knowing that the reason your situation continued on far too long is purely because no one has ever shared a wonderfully simple little secret with you… The truth of the matter is that YOU are the one who wields all the control in any situation which involves you and communication with anyone else.
Yes. You heard me correct, again.

You are the one who controls the level of quality present in all of your communications. Now, please allow me a few brief moments more to clarify this point of view for you so that you may begin to implement this simple fact into situations when events in life call for it.

Whenever your situation or your personal desires call for you to invoke a deeper level of communication with any other person; your boss, mother, father, sister, brother, teacher, mentor – any other person –YOU are the one who MUST take responsibility for engaging in deeper levels of conversation with the person you are seeking to connect with.

The age old adage, “You Give What You Get,” is most accurate when it is applied to the art of communicating since people mirror other people’s patterns when engaged in conversation. YOU have to be the one who bravely expresses their truths without holding back your most core opinions.

It is this single act that permits others to engage in your conversations at the level of vested interest established by you.